Current mood:

working

Booked Orders Report for the week of 8/17
I am afraid of being in love. I know that sounds strange, but honestly. I feel so in love and then I have nightmares about every ex I’ve ever had. All of these nightmares are screaming “You don’t want to do this again!!” But it has already happened. And I am already in love. In love with his personality, not his body, which is an interesting change of pace. The strange thing is I am wondering how long it should last and how much time should I invest? He doesn’t have a high school degree even… does that make me a snob for at least wanting that? I don’t feel like he is stupid though, the way I would with probably anyone else. He is definitely not stupid. Maybe he isn’t going to read Plato’s Republic any time soon, but he seems to sense things. Or maybe I am attributing something to something that doesn’t exist.

Scott really let me believe things that weren’t necessarily true between us, because it served his “someone to have sex with” goal. And James was just awful. Emotionally abusive to extremes, and then stealing all of my stuff when I wouldn’t take him back. Sean was just too much in his own world, in his own needs and not wanting to deal with mine. Although to be fair to him, I didn’t want to baby him as much as he needed, and I knew that qualification when I married him.